Over the last couple of years I have become increasingly aware of something that I find depressing, and even worrying. A substantial number of children and teenagers that I come into contact with do not give their parents – or other family members – Christmas presents. (I am talking only about those young people who receive Christmas gifts; the households where Christmas is not celebrated at all, or where no presents are given, is quite a different issue.)

My concern is not really about teaching them to be generous, thoughtful and unselfish – although this is not necessarily a bad thing. It is that not giving gifts is depriving them of a very great joy. It may not be more blessed to give than to receive, but we all know that giving an appropriate gift and watching someone open it – and being thanked for it – is a real and profound delight.

I grew up in a large family: six children, two parents, usually an au pair and sometimes a grandparent. Because of my parents’ profound hospitality we also often had “extras” – foreign students, for example – for Christmas. I cannot remember a time when we were not expected to give everyone a present. “Expected” has overtones of “obliged”, “forced”, “compelled”, but that is not right, not at all how I remember it. “Supported” might be a better word.

When we were little my father enabled generosity by doubling our savings in mid December so we could afford the gifts (so yes we had to save, make an effort, but they were still definitely our gifts, our efforts). But financial outlay was never the issue.