“The scale of domestic abuse is higher than most people realise and the pandemic has made things worse”, according to the author of a book, Domestic Abuse in Church Communities: a safe pastoral response who also works for the Caritas Westminster Deaf Service.
Nikki Dhillon Keane told The Tablet this week that numbers accessing helplines and websites of the main domestic violence organisations have “skyrocketed” and domestic abuse murders have increased.
In the UK, one in four women and one in six men experience domestic abuse in their lifetime, “but women are far more likely to experience extremely violent or fatal abuse”. Numbers “are double among deaf and disabled people”. Even before lockdown in the UK, more than two women a week were murdered by a partner or ex-partner.
Nikki, who has worked with the Bishops’ Conference and Caritas Westminster and is a co-founder of the Faith and Violence Against Women and Girls Coalition said that domestic abuse has historically “been a touchy subject in the Church”.
This is partly due to its status as a women’s issue but she said: “The idea of victims needing to leave their marriage for safety and of families splitting up is very uncomfortable for many Catholics because of the primacy of marriage and family life”.
She reported that there has been “some exemplary support from priests and parish communities”; however, “there are plenty of examples of misinformed advice and sometimes spiritual abuse, that means using a twisted form of faith teaching to encourage someone to stay with an abuser, or to accept blame inappropriately for the abuse they have been subjected to”. She said: “It is my life’s aim to make sure that everyone who seeks support in the Church has a safety-focused and informed response”.
During lockdown the problem is even more hidden. “It is often reported that lockdown has caused abuse or murders and that is absolutely not true” she said; “the perpetrator causes the abuse and was already an abuser”. However, “the lockdown has made escape or access to support much more difficult”.
It is hard for victims and survivors to access help while they are at home with their perpetrators. It is also a dangerous time for children at home and more likely to witness abuse or be subjected it. Abuse is less likely to be recognised with schools and GP surgeries closed. “We need to be prepared that as lockdown is lifted there may be a huge influx of calls from victims and survivors who can finally safely ask for help,” she warned, and “there may also be a rise in murders as perpetrators realise they are losing control”.
The Bishops’ Conference of England and Wales has a domestic abuse group and it offers guidance for parishes during the pandemic. The bishops’ website informs about support agencies and documents showing that the position of the Catholic Church is categorically that domestic abuse in all forms is wrong, and that the safety of victims, survivors and children is paramount.
“This means that a victim or survivor who leaves an abusive spouse has the full support of the Church” said Nikki. Another initiative has been producing leaflets and stickers for Churches to put in toilets so victims can privately see information about getting help, “and, importantly, the message that they have the right to be safe”.
Nikki has given domestic abuse awareness training to catechetical co-ordinaters, safeguarding teams, priests’ groups, Catholic school staff, diocesan teams and Marriage Care, which has a domestic abuse protocol.
Last year, the theme of the Day for Life was domestic abuse – “a really welcome signal that the Church is aware of the issue and taking it seriously, but there is still much to be done” she said. Nikki’s book, published by Redemptorist Publications, offers “the basic knowledge that all priests and parish workers need in order to recognise and respond to these situations, which are happening in every parish”. Nikki also contributed to the Handbook for Christian Survivors of Domestic Abuse which was published by Restored, a Christian organisation working against violence against women and girls.
A Domestic Abuse Bill is currently going through parliament. Nikki feels an important addition is needed to address victims/survivors having no recourse to public funds. She feels, “this makes them extremely vulnerable to their perpetrators”.
The National Board of Catholic Women (NBCW) is also watching the passage of the Bill closely, says Celia Capstick, a past president who has worked on the issue for many years. The Board welcomed the Bishops’ statement in Holy Week, “urging women in the Church to seek help and suggesting that parishes should be a port of call for help”. She told The Tablet this week that Bishop John Sherrington, auxiliary in Westminster and lead bishop on the issue, has encouraged Catholic parishes to “play an important role in fighting domestic abuse especially during the Covid-19 pandemic”. Priests are encouraged to raise the issue of domestic violence in their live-streamed Masses and in homilies published on parish websites. Each parish has a named person, publicised on noticeboards, but she urges that, “the name, contact details and emergency phone numbers should now be on every parish website as people are not physically attending churches”. The NBCW’s booklet ‘Raising Awareness of Domestic Abuse’ has been revised and is soon to be published online and in print.
Links:
National domestic abuse helpline 0808 2000 247
Women's Aid have a live chat service for victims who cannot speak on the phone safely
Advice in an emergency:
If you are in immediate danger call 999. If it is unsafe to speak, dial 55 when asked what service you require.
If you are unable to speak or hear on the telephone you can register your mobile to text 999 calls by texting REGISTER to 999.
Under lockdown rules you are allowed to leave your home to escape danger.
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