I HAVE three recurring dreams, none of them nice ones. The first concerns my terror at being hunted down for a crime – grave but unspecified – which I have committed. But let’s not go there. The second is a pretty common one: facing an exam in a subject for which I have done no work. This one’s been troubling me since I was in my teens. I’m knocking on 55 now and it’s still tormenting me. The third one has been about for a while too. In this dream/nightmare, I’m about to compete at an elite level in a sport which I don’t play at an elite level, which is all of them. I’m mediocre at a handful of events, and an absolute novice at most.

There are two kinds of sports: those you look at and think, yeah, I’d be no good at it but I could possibly – for a few moments at least – not look a complete fool and/or come to some harm. And those for which the opposite is true. Into the former category might come football, tennis and cricket (slow bowling only).