A late entry for the most strained religious metaphor of 2016 came from The Sun, in a profile of the Chelsea footballer Victor Moses. It was as if the postman had snagged one of those ubiquitous Royal Mail elastic bands on the letterbox and was left wondering why an inexplicable force was dragging him back from his attempts to leave by the garden gate. It was that strained.

“Victor Moses should consider himself the lucky one,” began Andrew Dillon, under a headline “Prophet ‘n loss” (which could only have informed or entertained readers after they had digested the story, if then). “It only took him three seasons of wandering around English football before finally being allowed to enter the promised land – or Stamford Bridge, as it is otherwise known. By contrast, God played hard ball with Moses in the Bible, leaving him traipsing around the desert for 40 years.”

No doubt if the winger had taken 40 years to reach Chelsea, his performance would have contrasted unfavourably with that of younger players. But halfway through the feature, readers discovered that Victor Moses’ luck was not unalloyed.

“Moses’ story is certainly a harrowing one,” the writer suddenly said, without having hinted of any such thing in all his biblical imagery. “His dad, a Christian pastor, and his mum, who helped her husband with his work, were murdered at home in Nigeria as violence between the Muslim majority and Christian minority grew in the country. As they were killed, Victor was playing football in the street.”