Much of our confusion about forgiveness arises from failing to distinguish between forgiveness (which is one-sided) and reconciliation (which must be mutual) (Peter Stanford, The Tablet, 11 July). The fact that I forgive someone does not guarantee that he or she will even admit there is anything to be forgiven. Although that person may die in his or her denial, my decision to forgive at least turns the situation in question over to God’s judgment. I can forgive and still take someone to court to vindicate my rights.
Forgiveness would be much more common if we remembered that the person forgiving is the primary beneficiary of such a decision. If, in fact, what we really want is reconciliation, we may be tempted to withhold forgiveness for fear of looking stupid if the other person rejects our forgiveness. Forgiveness is always in the hands of the person forgiving; reconciliation is always in the hands of both parties.
Father Pat McCloskey, O.F.M., Ohio, USA
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