IN 10 YEARS? time, if current trends continue, married people will be in the minority of the population of England and Wales for the first time since records began. This trend has raised anxiety in many circles, which view marriage and the family as the cornerstone of society, and particularly among the Churches.

At the same time, since the Sixties, cohabitation has risen. It is estimated that currently over a million and a half people are cohabiting; by 2021 that is expected to rise to about three million people. Cohabitation, which has to be distinguished from the sexual anticipation of marriage which is now widespread, presents its own set of social, psychological and spiritual issues: how does it differ from marriage? How healthy and happy are cohabiting couples? And how do children born in this state fare, compared with those born within wedlock? Theologically, cohabitation elicits varying responses: some treat it as fornication, others as a return to earlier forms of marriage.

This phenomenon of fewer marriages and more cohabitation is widespread throughout Europe, and there is no consensus as to why. One explanation is certainly that during the period when the number of marriages has been falling, divorces have been rising. There were 25,000 divorces annually in England and Wales in 1961; in 1995 there were 155,000. Divorce has now been studied extensively and has clearly been shown to be associated with a wide range of social and psychological difficulties, for both the couple and the children. It is not surprising that those who grew up in a broken home would want to avoid the trauma of a repetition in their own relationship. They have resorted to cohabitation in the belief that this would help them to find out whether they suit each other. But we know that cohabitation is no guarantee of marital stability: on the contrary, where there has been cohabitation before a marriage, there is more likelihood of its breaking down.

Another reason for the changing pattern of relationships is that modern society has difficulties with commitment and permanency. Objects are disposable, jobs are no longer for life, society is highly mobile.

Our society values freedom above all. People tend to fear that a lifetime?s commitment will mean surrendering independence and autonomy. And people are living longer. To young couples in their twenties, the prospect of 50 to 60 years of marriage can seem like an eternity.

Women?s emancipation is another reason for the changes. Women want to realise their potential in life. When they marry, they still have to carry the major load of looking after the children and the home. Study after study has shown that marriage is worse for women?s health than for men?s, and that women are more likely than men to suffer from a spouse?s violence. In feminist philosophy all this is drawn together, illustrated with endless examples, and blamed on patriarchy and Christian marriage.

There is creeping into society a view that marriage is old-fashioned, static, burdensome and restrictive, springing from a conservative, narrow view of the world that Christianity in particular is thought to hold. Traditionally, marriage has been seen as an institution which legitimises sex, within which the spouses procreate and rear children with each other?s support. By contrast, modern psychology holds out the attraction of a dynamic process between couples, enabling them to nurture their personalities, experience joy in their sexual lives and realise their potential as persons.

IT IS RIGHT to be concerned about the decline of marriage. Stable marriages have been shown to be a key factor in the achievement of personal happiness and good health, and the promotion of the best interests of the children. But amid the transient and false beliefs of the age there are also genuine anxieties about true relationships.

To Christians, marriage is a natural sacrament in which they encounter God. But I am sure that the Churches should not simply repeat traditional Christian teaching parrot-fashion. That will simply increase the movement away from marriage, because it will seem that the Churches do not understand people?s emerging hopes and expectations. Women have a case against patriarchy, and men know they have to negotiate egalitarian relationships and mutuality in personal encounters.

Christian teaching must always promote the Gospel values of monogamy, fidelity, permanency, creativity and responsibility for children. But it must unpack the message. Education for contemporary marriage in Christian schools and churches must be creative and not a didactive list of dos and don?ts emphasising the avoidance of sin. Christian teachers must understand that there is a legitimate hunger for the development of personality: they have to show that marriage is the place for it.

Young people must be helped to appreciate that monogamy, permanency and fidelity are enabling processes for the sustaining, healing and growth of the couple, not constrictions. To convince the young of this requires an informed approach and a good example at home. What is needed is a massive exercise in education and preparation for marriage, so that couples see that within the traditional signposts it is a dynamic state that they are entering.

Dr Dominian is a psychiatrist who has specialised in the study of marriage breakdown.

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