From the editor’s desk

Step down the aisle

30 April 2011

Universal attention given to the royal wedding belies the theory that marriage as an institution is dying. Prince William and Catherine Middleton are typical of their generation in many respects, including an impatience with traditional assumptions about class. The groom is second in line to the throne, his bride the daughter of successful middle-class entrepreneurs. Like the majority of couples marrying in Britain today, furthermore, they have tested the stability of their relationship by living together beforehand. This is no doubt what prompted the Prince of Wales, Prince William’s father, to exclaim on hearing of their intention to marry, “They’ve been practising long enough!”
The idea that marriage is going out of favour is usually based on the declining number of weddings recorded each year, and the increasing number of children born to “partners” who are not defined as husband and wife. This has given rise to the false idea that people are divided into two opposing camps, one more conservative and hence pro-marriage, and the other more progressive and happy to cohabit. In fact, a large proportion of those who cohabit say they would like to marry eventually, and do in fact do so. Cohabitation has become almost the conventional gateway to marriage, not a rival to it.

Surveys show that the number rejecting marriage on ideological grounds is quite small. The kind of marriage where a wife was automatically expected to take second place to her husband has largely disappeared. The modern model of marriage is far more equal, with both sides pursuing careers and sharing household responsibilities.

Such is the cost of housing, most family households need two sources of income if they are to make ends meet. Financial pressure explains why people are marrying older and starting a family later; it is also why many people on low incomes  see marriage as beyond their means. The tax and benefits systems penalise married couples shamelessly.

If the sumptuousness of a royal wedding raises expectations that ordinary weddings have to be extravagant displays too, that puts in place a further barrier. A determined attempt by Church and State to promote marriage would have to address all these economic and cultural factors: the aftermath of a successful royal wedding would be a good time to start.

The generation that Prince William and Miss Middleton belong to is painfully familiar with divorce. Each generation strives to avoid the mistakes of its parents. At the time of the 1981 royal wedding, Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer barely knew each other. William and Catherine have known each other since they met as students at St Andrews and shared a house there. So they have arrived at marriage, like many modern couples, step by cautious step.

This intriguing feature of their story raises questions. They are marrying in accordance with Christian teaching, which regards marriage as a lifelong commitment. The Church no longer denounces cohabitation as “living in sin”, and many of its clergy prefer to turn a blind eye to what is increasingly regarded as a sensible precaution against incompatibility. In this respect, society seems to have figured out something about stable marriage that the Churches have, officially, yet to grasp.